Design Advice for Friends: Do's and Don'ts for Pros

By Linda Merrill

As designers, we are invariably asked for "quick" design advice from friends, relatives and new acquaintances. While it’s always nice to be considered an expert, there can be a fine line between offering friendly advice and giving away hard won experience and knowledge for free. And, truly, this is the same for any of the "advice giving" professions such as lawyers, doctors, tax accountants or personal fashion stylists. Likely as not, all of those professionals have been cornered at one time or another at a party with a "quick question". The asker is often simply looking for validation of choices they have already made and the professional is faced with the dilemma of being honest and professional, or being polite.

So, when it comes to doing interior design work with friends, how does one handle it? I asked several designers I know this question and received several nuanced answers. By and large, it's recommended that if you do enter into a business relationship with a friend, that it’s treated as such – complete with signed contracts, established fees, deadlines, etc. And when you think about it – this makes complete sense. If you want to be respected and treated like a professional, then you should treat the transaction professionally. If you just want to spend the day shopping with a friend and offering a little expert advice along the way, that’s a different situation. I’ve had friends take me out to lunch in exchange for offering some purchasing suggestions and I am completely comfortable with that.

However, when it comes to larger projects, then a more business-like transaction should take place. Several years ago, a high school acquaintance moved back to town and he and his wife wanted new window treatments for several rooms in their large home. He and I had never been particularly close, so it was nice of him to call me and ask for my services. I was new enough in business that I decided not to charge a design fee, but would take a standard profit in the markup of the window treatments. Unfortunately, after a few shopping trips and meetings, they had not come to a decision on anything and in fact, disliked everything. Several hours into it, they were not remotely close to making a commitment. And then they decided they needed a new roof instead, thus putting an end to new window treatments. They offered to pay me $100 for my time, where I’d spent at least 6-8 hours on the project. We negotiated and I got a few more dollars out of them, but sent them a receipt showing this was about 1/3 of what I should have charged them. Lesson learned.

Following up on this experience, I did a design plan for my brother and sister-in-law for their newly renovated family room. I charged an hourly fee, we agreed on the approximate number of hours it would take, and they paid me a deposit. While I did feel a little uncomfortable holding my hand out to my brother, I simply reminded myself that he can afford my services and I am offering practical knowledge and expertise that I have worked to accumulate. He's a banker and wouldn’t hesitate to charge me interest if I applied for a loan through his bank. The rates might be favorable (or not) but there would be no doubt of a professional business interaction.

As designers, we must never lose sight of the value of our work, our expertise and our artistry. We have spent years developing our body of knowledge and if we don’t respect that in ourselves, neither will our friends and family. I know there have been designers who get very angry at family and friends who seem to always want freebies. While this can be tricky, it is a situation that can be managed with a little bit of assertiveness and clear communication.

If a family member or friend is looking to use you repeatedly for your knowledge, or access to design discounts, it may become necessary to put them on a "budget." Establish an annual amount of donated services you are willing to do for others, be it friends/family or in-kind charitable contributions, and keep track of the hours. Then keep track of hours worked. You can blame your accountant or a productivity consultant for these new rules. This will not only serve to limit your hours spent on free work, but will also remind askers that your time has an established value.

Finally, here are a few more responses I received from other designers:

• When approached at a social event with "Can I ask you a design question?" Teresa Burnett of Willow Designs, Inc. in Massachusetts replies in a very sweet but direct tone, "You get one."
• It always changes the relationship, so Andrew Dunning, Creative Director at APD Interiors in London prefers not do any work for friends. When asked "What do you think of this?" Andrew may reply, "You know how I like to be honest..."

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Linda Merrill is a residential interior decorator based in Massachusetts. Linda's design style can be described as "comfortable luxury" and she believes in working closely with clients throughout the entire design process. Her clients are mainly located between metro-Boston and Cape Cod and the Islands. Linda writes a nationally regarded design blog called ::Surroundings:: and is the host of the design podcast series The Skirted Roundtable.